Category: Politics

You can imagine how surprised I was today to find out that I am among a select group of Republicans selected to be a representative of the thoughts of all Republicans in my district! Today’s mail brought me a letter and a survey from the Republican National Committee with a plea for my thought. It seems my answers to the Official Republican Census will be used to create a new blueprint for the party.

I am important!

It’s a good thing I got this letter with the census, because I didn’t realize that if I don’t help the party get back on track, liberals like (pro-life) Harry Reid will lead the “Democrat Party” to a generation or more of legislative supremacy! Oh noes!

They tell me that government spending will go through the roof (unlike, I suppose, when the GOP controlled Congress). They tell me that big labor union bosses, radical environmentalists (vegetarians), gun grabbers and trial lawyers will be running my life for 20 years or more!

Here’s some census questions:

Should our homeland defense forces use profiling to protect our nation? (you know, brown people!)

Should President Bush’s successful tax cuts be made permanent? (success is such a relative term…)

Do you agree that we must stop illegal immigration? (unless they mow your lawn for peanuts)

Do you think US troops should have to serve under United Nations commanders? (sounds French!)

Will you send us a check?

  • yes, I support the GOP and here’s _$500 _$250 _$100 _$50 _$35
  • yes, I support the GOP but (being in the bottom 99% of earners I didn’t get much from that tax cut and) I cannot participate at this time. But here’s $11 to cover the cost of tabulating my census
  • no, I favor electing liberal Democrats over the next ten years (!)

Something tells me all that sucking up was just to get my money. I’m tempted to fill out the survey (should Republicans continue to support puppies? No!) and send them some cash so that they can get better computers. Maybe then they could figure out the difference between a genuine Republican and some guy who just wanted to vote for Linc Chafee over Steve Laffey last September…

The GOP is in trouble

I read President Bush’s statement on immigration to the nation just now. It was good. I wouldn’t be sending National Guard out to the border (despite assurances to the contrary, it seems to me that they’ve been pretty busy these last few years), but on balance it was an altogether logical and coherent position. But then, when you have pretty much no credibility, you can sneak these sensible ideas in and no one will notice. (Up is Down watch: sending 6,000 soldiers somewhere doesn’t actually constitute militarization. OK.)

The thing that bugs me about the immigration debate we’ve been sort of having in America recently is the absolute cluelessness most people have about the effect$ of illegal immigration on their lives. Simply stated, a LOT of things are really inexpensive because of cheap, undocumented, immigrant labor. You can’t have your tacos and talk to the cooks, too.

This is the dirty little secret of the immigration debate. Far too many people are willing to mislead or be misled about this issue: that illegals are taking our jobs, driving up our taxes, covertly replacing English with Spanish at Lowe’s, and so on. That’s the easy, xenophobic aspect that we’ll always have roiling under the surface of a civilized world (I think it’s biological, which doesn’t excuse anyone’s bigotry, of course).

A lot of “realistic” people say that immigrants are doing the jobs that Americans don’t want, but that’s only sort of true. They’re doing the jobs that Americans won’t do… for cheap. Hey, I’ll clean toilets for $50 an hour, but not for $5. Of course, if toilet cleaning costs $50/hr, that McWhopper is about to go way up in price (especially once the counter help gets wind of how much the janitor’s making!)

And since I can’t resist: The president thinks that American employers would gladly follow the law, if only they weren’t tricked by those crafty immigrants and their fake papers (man, for all the tut tutting at those pesky undocumented Mexicans being criminals, I don’t hear as much about those felonious corporations breaking the law by hiring them. And since the law’s the law, I’m going to call you all criminals too. Bet you a dollar you broke the speed limit today…) Here’s a tip for our nation’s job creators: if you’re paying Pablo $2 an hour, and you have to lock him in the store overnight, that photocopied work visa might not be legit…

It’s the Money