Category: Humor

Well, apparently Mitch Hedberg died last night/early this morning. Maybe that’s why i woke up at 4am. It sucks, i just saw him like 2 weeks ago, he was great. They’re (by they’re i’m saying the posters here) saying it was a heroine overdose – which doesn’t surprise me, he was pretty fucked up when i saw him.

On a lighter note, i’m going to a concert tonight – Eiffel Tower, Say Hi To Your Mom, and Aqueduct. I’m excited. I also bought more Shins tickets today, so now i’m going to all three of their NY shows. They’re playing providence (the auditorium at Brown), but i think it’s sold out, you should try to find tickets if you don’t have them already – perhaps craigslist.org?

thought i’d add a few of my favorite jokes:
I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut…I don’t need a receipt for the doughnut – I’ll just give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don’t need to bring ink and paper into this. I can’t imagine a scenario in which I would need to prove that I bought a doughnut…Some skeptical friend, donít even act like I didn’t buy a doughnut, I’ve got the documentation right here…oh wait it’s back home in the file…under “D”, for doughnut. s

You know they call corn on the cob, corn on the cob, but that’s how it comes out of the ground, man. They should call that corn, they should call every other version corn off the cob. It’s not like if you cut off my arm you would call it Mitch. Then reattach it and call me Mitch-all-together…
I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. “Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide…”

Mitch?

This flash movie is by far the most effed up thing I’ve seen in a while, and everyone I’ve IM’ed it to has loved it, so I am compelled to hook you guys up.

I’m with Bushy

Man, whatever happened to “I’m With Busey”, anyway? That show was awesome.

Link from the always excellent shotguns at Aces.

Link of the Week

I can’t honestly say that I love standup comedy. I also can’t honestly say that I love Rodney Dangerfield (not counting ‘Caddyshack’ of course). Regardless of all that, I found his obituary inspiring.

A slightly related note. I know someone who worked with dangerfield out in LA a number of years ago. To summarize the stories: Dangerfield was crazy as a shithouse rat.

And oh yeah, viva la Conan in 2009!

The ability to turn any item/event into a money-maker continues on eBay. You can purchase that nice little graphic up there on a t-shirt or a sticker and probably a thong.

Maybe you’re Alan Shawn Feinstein* and can get people to buy worthless “hurricane memorabilia”by claiming that one day it will be priceless. You also might want these because they smell nice.

Apparently, hurricane victims can also buy 90 minute prayers. Yay America.

*ASF had nothing to do with this (I crave more Google hits).

I jacked this story from the Projo

I wouldn’t be so damn annoying in talk show interviews. However If I was in fact Quentin Tarantino, I would find time to meet up with strangers at a mall, take them under my wing, and act crazy for an entire afternoon. According to this internet entertainment fan, that’s exacly what he did.

Hollywood blogger runs into Quentin Tarantino at the mall.

Read that once and assume that it is factual – it’s an amazing story that way. Read it a second time and assume that the whole thing is a work of overzealous fan fiction – it’s hilarious that way.

I could never be Quentin Tarantino. He has his hand in every inch of the movie making process. He even cuts his own filcks (and looks to have packed on a few pounds while doing so). There is no way I could do that after all of the stress of filming. I put the finishing touches on a promo video for my improv company last night and it was nerve-racking. There are so many damn details and I can never get it just right (most specifically sound leveling). I can’t think of an editing project that I have done that I have been 100% satisfied with. Maybe someday…

How did everyone like Kill Bill Vol. 2? [drool]I can’t wait to see it.[/drool]

Update – I have actually gotten some positive feedback about the promo video thus far so if you want – check out the first cut. It’s about 10MB in Quicktime format. Lemme know what you think.

If I Was Quentin Tarantino

I’m not one to just go and post stuff from another site, but… this really brightened my day with cat shit related humor. The following is from Penny Arcade which is one of my few religious reads on the web.

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“I received a late birthday gift yesterday from Brenna’s parents, one of these automated litter box things. That seems like a nice thing to do for a person – you’re essentially saying to them, “I recognize that manipulating cat shit is unpleasant.” I always see this thing in the SkyMall in-flight catalog, and the image in there always seems to imply that the device actually peels cats, devouring those that wander too near its plastic jaws. Turns out that’s not true. I own the “Plus” model, but there’s another one designated “X-VI Mega” which has a more refined cat shit algorithm.

Under ordinary circumstances I do not pay much attention to whether or not my cat is shitting. I have other things that I’m doing, including Origami, which is the Japanese art of paper folding. Now, that private act is my fixation. I sometimes berate the cat for not “doing its duty,” I roar edicts and gesture gravely.

The trouble with this machine is that my cat is horrified by it. You would think that I dragged in a crocodile and asked her to just hop up on there and let it go. I don’t know if it’s the shape or what but something about this robotic bin evokes in my cat a primal fear. The actual operation of the rake or “shit-teeth” is also very loud, really loud, it sounds like the device is tearing itself apart. If I could suggest something to the designers of this machine, it would go something like “Please make your cat toilets less menacing. Thank you.”

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That actually caused me to laugh audibly in my cubicle – I hope it made you do the same (even if you aren’t in a cubicle).

“Shit-Teeth”