November, 2004 Archives

Well, that was instructive. If you see a sticker like this on someone’s car, they’re probably gay, but not always. It might be an equality-loving straight person, or they might just be confused (or just nuts). We also learned that Grace’s car is as liberal as they come (but does it run on biodiesel?!) and David’s pissed at the wine and cheese crowd.

I learned something, I hope everyone else did, too.

I knew I’d use those comment links eventually.

Human Rights Campaign

I thought I was on to something here by getting 13 comments on this 28 word entry. Maybe I’ll stick to under-50-word entries from now on. E.dogg’s short attention span will appreciate it. Oops, this post is getting too long…

Word Count to Comments Ratio

Speaking of love, vertebrate style this time, congratulations to my favorite Democratic Senator, Jack Reed, on his holiday engagement. I had no idea he was such a bachelor. And, amazingly this will be only his first marriage. How un-Senator like (although it’s not like he’s a Republican…)

Feel the love.

Invertebrate love

Some people think its unnatural for a conch and a hermit crab to get together, but we’re pretty open-minded here at A Cry for Help.

Fish Stuff Tuesday

Does having a Human Rights Campign sticker (like this) on your car mean the same thing as a rainbow strip, or do a lot of straight people have them too? Just wondering.


Happy Thanksgiving, all. May your turkey be juicy and tomorrow’s shopping be savings-ful. Yeah, they really go together, don’t they? On a day in which millions brave perennially awful transportation gridlock to be with family, count how often the TV in the other room pitches “quality erectile experiences” to you and yours. After saying grace and having the little ones recite what they are thankful for (Game Boy?) before heading off to the kids table, watch how long it takes for discussions to move to what great deals can be had tomorrow morning. Don’t eat too much, though, as you might sleep through your wake up call from Ice-T or Heidi Klum.

And since the holiday season is upon us, many Americans will go to church for the first time in a while. I’d suggest following Reverend Billy this year and worshiping at the Church of Stop Shopping. If you’re in New York, you can even stop by Times Square tomorrow for cash register exorcisms and see the Church “post 9 Theses Against Corporate Rule on the threshold of the Times Square McDonalds, a neon cathedral of perpetual consumption.”

Buy Nothing Day

But what are you supposed to do if you’re not going to shop til you drop on Buy Nothing Day? Why don’t you dig up an old winter coat that no one is using anymore and bring it to the State House lawn (in the long consumerist shadow of the Providence Place Mall) for someone who could really use it.

I hope everyone has a great holiday. Seriously. I know saying we shouldn’t reflexively throw open our wallets on a particular day of the year sounds like me being a scold and a downer, but really I just want everyone to remember there’s a lot of great moments to be had today and all next month that don’t cost a thing. Now, can someone pass the cranberry sauce?


I didn’t get to post last night, so to make up for it… Look!! A cute little puppy!!

That’s Mrs. Ultra Laser’s newest toy. Awwwww, puppies…

Look! Puppy!

ok. so, i don’t want to know if any of this is illegal – if anyone knows that it is for a fact, keep it to yourself because i plan on pleading ignorance. so here’s what i am doing, and you guys are coming along for the ride. the plan is to use kiddie toys and other easily and cheaply available parts to build an automated surveillance drone. yeah, you know the predator and other UAVs you see in those pictures with a crowd of arabs around them, ak-47s in the air? one of those, only about $39,999,880 cheaper. The goals are a)anyone can do it, and b)piss cheap. so i bought some stuff on ebay, totaling about $120 +shipping; feel free to buy the parts and follow along. as pictured below, i purchased:

1. a made in china, “flying” shitpile called the firebird 400 (“top thunderbolt war king”). it says 3 channel, but its really 2, and i won’t even get into the engrish instruction manual (not now anyway). ($39.99)

2. (10) 3 volt 25maH flexible solar panels. ($29.50)

3 & 4. a miniature wireless camera, transmitter, and receiver. ($21.00)

please note that the pictures are not to scale and that in some cases, shipping well exceeded the cost of goods, but it still was piss cheap.

so what i am going to do is increase the range to a target of 1-2 miles, supplement the power source with the solar panels, integrate the wireless camera and transmitter, then wire the radio setup to be controlled via usb. finally, i will write and make available the code to receive and record the video, as well as create flight plans and control the plane on it’s covert operations.

i will chronicle the entire thing, including posting of surveillance videos on over the upcoming weeks. why? because i’m drunk and bored. so order your chinese turdcopters and follow along! fight the power. as always, with love, ultra laser.

This is the best thing out of a Rhode Island City Hall since pink flamingos sprung up in Cranston:

North Providence Mayor Ralph Mollis laid off 28 town workers for one day Monday in response to a theft at a Department of Public Works garage.

Mollis laid off all 28 DPW employees for one day without pay in hopes of flushing out the thief.

“This isn’t the first incident. We’ve had a series of incidents over the last six months of minor tools or minor items being misplaced, stolen or removed. We have attempted to get to the bottom of this to no avail,” Mollis said.

The city’s using the money saved from not having to pay the 28 workers for a day to replace the stolen equipment. It’s like what teachers do with little kids, punishing them all if no one will speak up when someone does something wrong. And anyway, what does someone do with a water jet at home? And why couldn’t I find this story on Damn liberal media.

Meanwhile, in everyone’s favorite Laff-er of a city, a Cranston Firefighter who was injured by a drunk driver in a pretty horrific accident while responding to a call (ie on the job) is being told that the city won’t pay for his medical bills. Why not? Because six months ago he and his fellow fire fighters wouldn’t sign a contract waiving almost all their rights to medical privacy. Sounds ridiculous, right? Welcome to Mayor Steve Laffey’s world, where the slightest stench of a union on you puts you below contempt. It’s one thing to pick on crossing guards with ridiculous heath benefits, but when you start going after the guys who run into burning buildings while everyone else is running out, then you’re asking for trouble.

Creative Mayoring

Bloglines update: 364 Unread Items. I did knock off a few sites tonight, but damn, the internets got a lot of stuff added every day. And my brain tends to explode when I sit in Barnes and Noble for longer than an hour or two. Also, I almost drove my car off the road today when I realized that every piece of information at my local library would probably fit on a 2006 iPod.

I love technology. Seriously. Especially stuff like this. I just spent the last week learning a new programming language and some web database stuff, and my head is swimming with possibilities. I swear, I had a dream about SQL strings the other night. Sad.

I am so glad that Viagra “Wild Thing” commercial got pulled. Levitra, you’re next. And watch out Cialis. Then, if I have my way, every commercial that has a disclaimer about four hour erections will be relics of a past TV age. Where are those moral red staters when I need them? And that MNF/Desperate Housewives thing?! Argggggghhh!!

Oh, anyone seen either the Incredibles or I Heart Huckabees? Em and I seem to have run out of movie passes, so we’re behind on the movie thing.

Man, it’s past my bedtime. I had to get this in before tomorrow morning, though, as I did promise a Sunday post. I’m glad Nightwing got an entry in while I was decompressing. I’ve decided to do a little time management and aC4H is going to get some love. Provided anyone’s still here. Anyone? *crickets*


When it all comes down to it, I’m not much of a sports fan. I can get into it during the playoffs, I can watch the Pats when they are playing well, I’ll watch the Sox when they are fighting the yankees or making history – I keep an eye out, but I’m not the guy who wakes up and watches sportcenter before work. Thats what made this morning a little more disturbing.

When I woke up this morning, my roomate said ‘did you see the game last night?’ My response was ‘did the Celtics go to overtime or something?’ Far from it – in fact I don’t know what happened to the celts. I do for the first time in years know what happened to the Pistons and Pacers. One of the worst brawls in sports history happened. So I threw on the ever constant ESPN news and watched. I watched with that kind of Rhode Islander driving by a car wreck feeling. It was unsettling, but I still managed to work the Tivo pretty hard – pausing, rewinding, slo-mo and all the business that the best invention in history allows. All said and done I watched ESPN news for 40 minutes, rivitedisgusted. I just made a new word!

So I’m really just left asking myself why I watched that and why I was so enraptured by it. Being a long time Knicks fan (technically not so much anymore because watching the Knicks the past few years has been as fun as watching your grandmother get raped) I do despise the pacers, but I don’t think that really explains it. I had my mind made up in the first few seconds of footage – Artest shouldn’t have went into the stands. He should have kept his cool and continued daydreaming on the scorers table about his upcoming rap album (I think it’s called ‘How Ron Artest Saved Hip Hop‘) . Better yet, he should have hopped back on to the court and pointed out the dickhead fan so security could have beat the shit out of him. That stuff is all clear cut, but I still don’t know why I watched so long, or why I’m still thinking about it now. I always was the kid who kept walking past the fights in the hallway in high school. Maybe it was just because I’m a huge pussy…

Some douche at ESPN thinks that everything is going to turn out fine after the brawl. Well thanks douche – but that doesn’t answer the questions I have this morning (which is technically the afternoon, but I slept all morning).

Sorry it took me so long to pitch in this week Bil – I’ve been busy too (mainly busy being pissed off at work).

Obligatory album suggestion – Lucero – That Much Further West. Alt-Country doesn’t really cut it. More like Punk-Country. Great stuff. Wish I saw them when they came by with The Waekerthans a while back.

Can’t Turn Away

Be back on Sunday.

Meanwhile, a link or two!

More blue state elitism, in table form! Us morals-deficient Dem voters shure are smart. How you like dem apples? [update: or maybe not. No one knows for sure. However, I will take a page from the Bush doctrine and not let any of them pesky “facts” get in the way of what I think anyway. I think the intelligence I get is darn good intelligence. Thanks, James, for setting us straight.]

Are you drinking Rhody Fresh Milk yet? They have it at Stop and Shop, and it’s the same price as the store brand milk, plus it’s guaranteed to be fresh from one of the few remaining Rhode Island Dairy farms. It’s nice when you can support small, local business and not have to pay out the nose to make a statement. It’s a no brainer, so buy RI milk from RI cows.

I have 156 unread items in my bloglines notifier. Yikes.

Tonight I picked up a six-pack of Sierra Nevada’s Celebration Ale. It’s nice and hoppy, similar to their pale ale, but, you know, different (I’m still getting the hang of the beer tasting vocabulary). Definitely recommended, especially at 6.8% alcohol by volume. That’ll keep you nice and warm this coming winter (where the hell did that snow come from this week?!)

And Ultra Laser is planning his triumphant Cry for Help return, with a special serial adventure!

OK, that’s about it. See you Sunday.

Out of the Office